chatting online

oh geez, i'm chatting online. guess from where i started talking to the person? craigslist. yes, bloody craigslist. i always say, if i'm on craigslist, obviously something not good is going on in my life. anyway, he had an amusing post, so i responded to it, platonically, and he wrote back and so we're sending emails back and forth. :-p

the funny thing is he's not even anywhere around here - he's actually across the country in the state i want to move to. that's actually why i was on craigslist last night to begin with. i wanted to see if the people in that state wrote the same stupid shit as the people out here - basically if the folks were as retarded as the people here. of course, what i found (no surprise) is that people are people, and the same ignorance that's bred one place can be found in another.

update: oh shit, he just asked for a picture and i just sent one. i hate the picture thing. but he sent a picture w/ his first response, so considering we've exchanged about 12 emails (9 or so are in the last hour), i'd say he 'deserves' a pic. but ugh, i hate it. i can't think of a more nerve-wracking experience. will someone of the opposite sex think you're attractive? i'd always thought i was semi-to pretty damn attractive until i started sending pictures to guys online. after so many of them receiving a picture and then my never hearing from them again, i realized apparently they didn't see the same thing i did.

looks like he's written back, so i'm going to go and check what he wrote. eeks!

update: ok, he saw the picture and he responded. he said "cute... lol." and then wrote more. so that either means:
- he genuinely thinks i'm cute, in which case if he sees me in person, he'll think i'm much prettier (not a bragging thing - just something i've been told by every guy i've met from online; they all say, "wow, you're a lot prettier in person," which makes me think, um, how did i look in my picture?), or
- he's a nice guy who's trying to be polite.

hopefully it's the former rather than latter.

but i'm not supposed to care. i don't want to date anyone! i definitely don't want to go to that state already "talking" to someone. and his post had a lot more sex in it than i would've preferred. granted, it was a long-ass post. and i guess any sex mention would've been more than i preferred b/c i'm avoiding sex.

and he hasn't written back yet.

and i really wish i didn't care.

b/c i know it's not about him - not about this guy who i've never met, who i've just talked to today - that i'm freaking out; it's my own insecurities and rejection issues.

still and all, knowing that doesn't make it much easier.


update: well, it looks like it was the latter. oh well. guess there's a reason, right.

next day update: he wrote back maybe seven hours later so we're kind of chatting. definitely not talking, but chatting. i'm not really sure if he even enjoys talking to me, so i almost feel like saying, "you don't need to talk just to be nice." but that would just display my insecurities a little too much, i think. that's why i don't like getting into it w/ a guy; i get too paranoid or whatever.