sometimes it's so hard

sometimes it's so hard not to go back to e.d. behaviors. i mean, i really have to sit with myself to keep myself from doing harmful things (throwing up, buying laxatives). ugh. and then i have to tell myself it's for the best that i'm not acting out. not only is it for the best, but even if i don't believe it, fuck it, b/c i know it's the truth and i need to take care of myself.

ugh.